Worry

'Then the Lord said to me, "You have circled this mountain long enough, now turn North." Deut. 2:2

Do you ever wonder if you are making progress in your life?  Not progress like "I paid off this bill" or "My children have gotten bigger/older/smarter," but progress in your personal development.  It may come as a surprise  to some of you (and to others you can insert a head slap here because you KNOW this is true) but I am a worrier.  I worry about everything.  Am I stimulating the children enough or too much.  Is my form of discipline to strict or lenient.  Have I made the right decision about ...  Did I say the wrong thing last week to the stranger I don't even know.  My worry is so bad that Brett has on a number of occasions accused me of worry about not having something to worry about.  This is not a characteristic I like about myself and I do believe the saying that 90% of the things we worry about never happen and the other 10% we can do nothing about; however, I just can't seem to break the loop in my head BUT that is about to change (I hope).

Today I was looking back at my prayer journal (don't judge, I get so distracted while I try to pray (and occasionally fall asleep) that writing it down is extremely helpful (also it is hard to sleep and write at the same time). Plus it is nice to be able to look back and see what was on my mind in the past) and I realized that all the things that I am worry about today are the same stupid things that I was fretting over a year ago.  This means for the last year I have been worry about the same things!!  Has it done me any good? No.  Has it changed my parenting, friendships, or relationships for the better? Probably not.  As I was looking over these things the verse at the top of this post came to mind and I realized that YES it is time to stop circling this mountain of worry and head in a different direction.  It is time to say that "I am enough." and that while I might not be the perfect parent, I am who God entrusted these kiddos to to (with Brett over course) so I am going to "do my best" and hope it works out.  Now to be realistic I don't think that I will be able to stop worrying all together (this is a long term habit (or as Brett puts it hobby) and it will likely be hard to break) but I am committing to trying to decrease the things I worry about and the amount of time I spend caring about what other people think and say.  We will see how it goes.  Here is to no longer circling the mountain of worry and turning North.